With My In-Laws

Yesterday, or last night, marked my last day in Convergys. Finally I’m done with the clearance. I also have now my trophy with me at home after 7 hours standing there in elevator lobby to wait for people I know who might be able to help me. I feel so relieved and also sad at the same time knowing that I might not see my good friends from Convergys again, just like in Sykes. Anyway, I need to focus on 2012.

I spent the two-day clearance in Convergys and San Pedro. Psyche was so cute and showing serious signs of hyperactive personality. She wanted us to play catch-the-ball in the middle of the night! She was very talkative. And being there for one night, she thought I would be staying there for good with my little bag, laughs! So on Tuesday night, while I was waiting in Convergys to get my precious trophy, Mama sent me a text message about the two donuts Psyche received from a cousin. Psyche said that she would wait for me before she eats the donuts. She wanted to wait for me so to share it with me. I was deeply touched just like those in Hallmark moments. Psyche was so good at making people cry in a good way, if you know what I mean. And hey, for the records, I did not literally cry there in the elevator lobby, laughs! What I’m saying is I’m missing her, our family, the old times.

I don’t get to see them like we used to do before. I put my faith in God’s promise the He would bring my family back together in one house. Sometimes this makes me jealous of my wife her being with her family all the time. Gracia always tells me that if it’s the other way around, it’s not going to be a problem with her. That might be true. But it is still different when it’s happening. You know, it’s more than a statement. It’s a daily life for me.

Don’t get me wrong. Her family which is now my family, too, is great. Her mother is amazing and very sweet. Her sisters are awesome. Every one is wonderful, including their in-house cousin Arnel. Her Papa is also nice to me but it’s a bit awkward most of the time because he rarely talks. I could see the effort in the two of us but we always kind of fail to connect. Perhaps it is because he never had a son. Maybe it’s me who had a chain of father issues before. That’s going to be a long story to tell. What I am saying is that we want to get along as a family but it’s not easy, I just realized.

During my first months with them, I had this silent, or secret, competition with the other sons-in-law. No one was really competing. I think it’s more of manly pride? Can’t get the right thing to say. Let’s get down to the story.

Last Sunday Gracia and I spent almost the whole afternoon after church shopping for the Christmas gift for her co-employee for their company’s Christmas party this Saturday. I was really tired but I was kind of showing off, making her feel that I was a very supportive husband which was sincere act from me. After that, when we got home, I was like relaxing while reading a magazine. Just like any other woman, she wanted to fix everything before we went on relaxing. I was even joking at her that she was acting like a mother now, laughs!

Then she wanted me to pin those belt holders behind the door but I was kind of into the magazine’s interesting article. Before I knew it, her Papa was in our condo-type room doing the nailing. It was very embarrassing as if I was not a man enough to drill those nails into concrete walls. I tried to get the hammer from him but he was determined to finish it all by himself. I know that it was no big deal for him. But for me, I was kind of hurt and very embarrassed. I had a hard time getting over with it.

Then next day came in. I was cleaning our house as part of my house-husband role when Kiel, Gracia’s nephew, started knocking outside our window. Automatically I opened it for him and one of his little fingers got caught and in the next seconds, he was crying hysterically. Everyone was very concerned and that included me. I felt ‘Strike Two’ blinking over my head as Gracia’s father trying to comfort his grandson. I felt so exhausted that I spent hours sleeping until it was time for me to get ready for my trip to Convergys.

Now I am back here in San Pablo and I felt so blank, trusting God in everything. Tried reading Bible but it’s…I don’t know. I know I kind of need some help here but if someone asks what kind of help, I don’t know the answer.

But I’ll be fine. I know that because I always will, by the grace of God.

Almost Ending 2011

I can’t believe that the year is almost ending! I know it’s too early for me to write my year-end post but I feel like doing something like that today.

Year 2011 has been very tough and soul-exhausting for me and for my family. It was like the stains of 2010 had found its way to crawl into this year. I was hopeful with my family that 2011 would be our year. 2010 ended in a complicated move to a different house which I had to give up the small savings Gracia and I had for our wedding to pay almost everything. That was exactly the last day of 2010. So we celebrated the first day of 2011 in a new home.

We did not have so many foods and we did not have any fireworks to celebrate the New Year with. But great the LORD was that we had enough on our table and we even had a bottle of red wine, plus we were together. We were complete except for Christina who has her own family in Bulacan. I was positive that everything would be okay as I liked so much the new house. It was brighter than the old one.

We began the year with family prayers which was so beautiful and the hope was so fresh that it was almost reaching the face of the sky.

The money issue still crawling into each new day but it was manageable. Papa was getting better and he started working again. But Gracia and I were worried about getting married this year. It had been taken aside for so many times due to recurring reasons. We were losing hopes and we felt that if we did not do anything to hold the wedding this year, the hope which was so little by then might be lost and I knew in my heart that when the fire began to die, it would take a long way to see it spark again. So we sought all help we could get.

In our families meeting where Gracia and I would announce formally that we were getting married, we insisted to get married in May of this year. And we did not have a single penny for the wedding at all! All we had was love and faith.

Our hope got excited when we received a Yes from my biological grandfather that he would support us, especially in money matters. In the end, it only broke my heart into million of pieces when I was left hanging in the air a week before the wedding. I felt so hurt and it was more painful when I was getting blamed for their decision. But glory to God that Gracia and I got married in May of this year. It was not a grand kind of wedding but it was really beautiful. It cost us to give up Gracia’s purchasing power for the next six months, if you know what I mean. So we were on a very tight budget but we were very happy.

A month after the wedding, Papa had a serious heart problem and he was taken to a private hospital in Pacita, San Pedro which goal was to increase our bills. I said this because after two weeks staying in that hospital, we insisted transferring him to the Philippine Heart Center where the doctor there told so many things which should have been done since day one but were not in the former hospital. The expenses were unbelievable. We had been humbled way below the ground. But we kept trusting God in everything for He never failed us.

Then Gracia’s sister gave birth to Ethan James in August. In less than a week, the baby got a fever and was diagnosed with infection of the blood. The bill was incredible. We thought that was it until in September, Gracia’s another sister gave birth to Ezra Daniel through Caesarian. Aside from day to day worry seeing the little baby in the ICU with all those unforgiving tubes, the bill was overwhelming. The memory of my baby brother Jean Emmanuel kept crossing in my thoughts. Although it was not entirely on us, since we are family, we care and we tried our best to help.

Gracia and I had so much to bear. I was thinking about us, about my family, and about her family. It was the grace of God that we got to survive each day. I tried to calm down every time I saw my brothers getting thinner. Praise the LORD that they were born with beautiful faces.

The distance of my travel to work everyday took its toll on me in my birth month, the month of October. Prior to this, I felt like I was always sick but I ignored that as much as I could. The first Sunday of that month, I was diagnosed with Intestrial Pneumonia and later that week, I bled again because of UTI. The Urologist said I had Kidney stones based on the ultrasound results. It was a very uncomfortable situation to me and to Gracia. Gracia was also sick that time.

In that same month, my family had to vacate the house because of the old reason. I had been fighting for this, to keep my family all together in a house but everything seemed so against me. I tried to resort to writing again but after writing half of the story and not getting any call or message from any publishers, I lost my heart and was not able to finish writing. It was so difficult that I could not join my family in the transfer. What broke my heart was the fact my family had to be distributed. Roron had to be in Bulacan. Calvin had to go to a boarding house in Calamba and Jojo in Santo Tomas. Thank God that Alex was offered to stay with Franz, a friend from church until the end of school year. The rest would join Tita Sol in San Pedro.

All of this had put so much Ginger (Depression) on me. Every hour I worried so much in thinking if they had something to eat, if they were safe. Also I was concerned about the people they were with. I also knew, even if they were not putting it in words, they were all hurting and left with no choice but to live with it. I felt so lost and failed.

Then Nanay, my mother in law, had her operation in October. Praise God that it was successful. Also Calvin got another scholarship. God was so amazing that He always assures me everything is in His mighty control.

I fought Ginger with the hope coming from the LORD, believing in His promise that there would come a day that my whole family would eat together in one same table with so much to eat as prophesied to my sister Nikka Lynn by one of our Pastors.

I still have so many discomforts in my body even though the medication for my kidneys was successful. This and so many other things including my long travel to work are putting me on plate of hard decision-making. It was getting harder for me to travel a long distance everyday. I thought of resigning and look for a new job somewhere near in our place. The back pay would definitely help. I had talked to my boss and to the boss of my boss and I was so grateful with those kind words they said about me. But I am getting the Old Allergy again. I was losing the will to fight and this affects everything.

Last night I realized my decisions were selfish. My prayers were more of complaints than of communicating to God. Today, I am praying that when I finalize my decision about everything, this would glorify God and would benefit all that are involved. Also, I pray that the decision would be a decision I could keep until the decided day.

Strength from The Inside

Late Times Three

Last week I was late three days in a row. The first time, I was late for three hours! The second time was only for five minutes, I could sigh on that one. It was so frustrating. The third one was the most unfair situation of all.

Imagine this; I woke up at 5PM, dragging my tired body out of bed so to ready for work. My wife was still at work. (You see, we don’t see each other that much, schedule conflict. She works at daytime while I work at night shift.) She was not there to help me prepare my things and I learned a routine how to prepare everything before I go to sleep. Prior that shift, I made a promise with TL May that I would not be late again. Well, it seems like promises are really made to be broken.

I was thankful that I was able to leave the house minutes before 6PM. I was feeling good when I was able to get a bus around 6:30PM. My shift by the way starts at 9PM. Yes, I travel three hours to get to work in Alabang. I am used to it and my body has learned to adapt to the schedule and to the distance.

So there, when the bus was in Alaminos there was an unbelievable traffic. The worst traffic of my life! The bus was not moving for almost two hours! I could see people from the other vehicles getting off the buses and jeepneys, walking on the street. If only Alabang was just right in the next town, I might have tried walking myself but that would not work for me.

I tried to do something else on the bus as I waited for it to move it a foot or two. I had my new notebook for my thoughts and I wrote there how I was feeling that time. I listened to Worship Songs from my cell phone. I had fallen to sleep many times and every time I would open my eyes, I was still on the same bus and the bus was still on the same street.

I was chanting ‘Mind Over Matter’ telling myself that everything would be okay. But I guess myself knew so well that I was just fooling myself. I would be late again. I texted TL May, letting her know that I would be late again.

Don’t want to send this text because it’s so frustrating. I’m still in Alaminos, but bus not moving. Super traffic. Third day. I’ll be late—again. Sorry, TL. Is it possible to get VGH first half of the shift?

Then she replied her disappointment. I felt that she did not believe me. She thought I woke up late again just like the first time. I panicked and tried to find a proof that I woke up at 5PM and that I was spending ‘quality moments’ with the bus driver and the bus steward with other passengers on the bus. I was tempted to call TL May and let her speak to either the bus driver of the steward. But I did not have enough loads to do that crazy option. Then I remembered the ticket in my bag. So I texted TL May telling her that I have an evidence. The way I composed the message, I could imagine her laughing through her swelling disappointment.

I arrived in the office at 12MN. Scream.

The Un-Official Team Building

It feels sad that the team is going to be dispersed this September. TL May is transferring to a different account. Ivan, Nikka, and I will also be transferred to that account but we do not have a date yet when this will take place. And the rest of the team will be separated joining different teams. I don’t want to be mushy on this but it somehow hurts to see the team gets disbanded. But it’s part of growth and we take it as an opportunity to know more people and to learn more things in a different environment. Besides, we can still see each other and we will remain friends, although I can’t really count on the first part of the statement.

So we had an un-official team building after shift yesterday. But not everyone was able to join. Leif, RH, Dan, and CJ went on VGH (Voluntary Go Home. Not Paid.) even before lunch and they went in Green and Grills in Festival. They greeted the dawn with towers and towers of beer and cigarettes.

Eventually, almost the rest of the team went on VGH after lunch to join them there. So we went there waiting for TL May, Gay, Lorie, and Chester. The place was dark matching the mood for drinkers and smokers. They were singing in Videoke, choosing loud songs. I contented myself on a well-lit table where I was reading the Student Bible of Nikka. In few minutes, Nikka, Ivan, Robyn, and Dan joined me there.

We had talked about the Genesis. I was impressed with Ivan’s knowledge of the Bible. It felt like I could learn more from him if I get a chance the next time.

Ellen was getting jealous of the situation and wanted us to join them in their table. I was hesitant because of the smoke but then I joined them.

When it’s morning already, the others already went home. TL May finally arrived. In RH’s car, Dan, Ellen, TL May, and I had talked about so many crazy and interesting topics. We went in Ellen’s house in Cavite. We had breakfast—tinapa, fried eggs, and fried talong.

After breakfast, Ellen served as a host to Dan and RH in the outer sala in their house, while TL May and I enjoyed our conversation inside. I learned so much from her. She is a very strong woman. We exchanged life stories and it was really inspiring. Some stories were cute.

I drank some dry wine until I got so sleepy and fell asleep. I woke up quarter to four in the afternoon. I refreshed myself and decided to leave. I would be meeting Gracia in Sto. Tomas so that we could go home together.

Seeing Psyche Again

I received a text message from Tita Sol while I was on a van to Alabang which had put an instant excitement in my heart. She was with Psyche in Star Mall. So before I went to the Bus Terminal to Batangas, I dropped by and met them in Food Court. I was so happy to see Psyche again. I hugged her and she hugged me back. I kissed her on the lips. I asked her so many questions but she only smiled back at me. It was breaking my heart that my family is not together at the toughest time of our lives. One of my major requests to God was that this whole setup would not affect Psyche negatively. Also I’m praying for everything to get back to normal real soon. All my hope is in Him who knows better than me. I know this will end real soon and we will be together again.

When I kissed Psyche my goodbye, I saw the disappointment in her eyes. She was holding back tears. I was impressed that she was trying to be strong at her very young age. In those eyes I could feel that she silently wanted me to take her home with me. But I just could not. Oh God, I just couldn’t… I forced myself to think of beautiful memories to deny the sad tears about to flow from my eyes.

Strawberry Flavor

I waited for Gracia in 711 in FPIP. I decided to buy her a drink. I could not find her favorite Mogu Mogu. I remembered that she wanted to try the Soya Drink so I got her one. While choosing the right flavor, I remembered her saying to me to choose what I do not like and for sure she would like it instead. So I chose the strawberry flavor which I didn’t like. And yes, she likes that one.