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Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Missing Heart

Yesterday I was anticipating seeing Psyche when I went home to Calamba but to my disappointment, there was only Papa at home. I prepared breakfast for him. I even joined him in breakfast. We had Sinigang Na Baboy, Fried Bangus, and Sopas but he did not want the Sopas so I ate the Sopas all by myself.

He watched TV the whole day. I easily fell into a sleep as I lay on my stomach. I woke up to Eat Bulaga. We were laughing together at Jose’s jokes. Then we only had Instant Pancit Canton for lunch. He also had some of his garlic bread and the peanut sandwich cookies which were supposedly for Psyche. He could not eat something else.

Secretly I was hoping that my brothers would come home earlier that day because I wanted to see them. But it was getting late that I did not see them when I left home. I kissed Papa a goodbye and I saw the sadness in his eyes I always see recently. Somehow it hurt my heart and I felt guilty leaving him alone there. Part of me was telling me to stay a bit until someone got home to replace me. But also another part of me was reminding me that I had to meet Gracia after her work so we could go home in San Pablo together.

I was feeling heavy-hearted when I decided to meet Jae Em. But instead of updates with each other when I got to their house, I found his Ate Mabel there and I enjoyed listening to her funny stories from her work.

After that, I went to SM City Calamba to fulfill a promise. I went to National Bookstore and bought Gracia a beautiful Sketchpad. It is called Minerva. When I saw it I knew it was the one for Gracia. When I checked the price, I coughed playfully and decided to look for something else. I found affordable ones but they did not level to the beauty of Minerva Sketchpad. So I decided to take the Minerva one instead.

I also remembered as if Gracia was inside my head whispering, “Uy, don’t forget about the water color pencils.” With a smile on my face, I looked for water color pencils and it took me just a few seconds to find one and err, the price caused my heart to skip a beat or two, laughs!

Before I knew it, I was there standing before the cashier to pay for the sketchpad and its family. I was so excited to see Gracia to give it to her. I also bought myself a cheap but decent notebook. I thought I needed inspiration now that I am back to real writing.

On my way to Batangas to meet Gracia, my heart was still feeling heavy because of the situation of my family. It hurt a lot. It is getting difficult and tiring to define this pain. But something in me is hopeful and knowing that it will end real soon. I just have to wait and let myself see how the Hands of God move in our lives. Truth is that I cannot do this anymore. And glory to God who is the source of all my hope, faith, and strength. It is not easy but I can still smile a real smile.

On the other hand, at work, VGH or Voluntary Go Home (We are offered to go home early if there are not much calls in queue. This is not paid. ) is flooding on the floor everyday, making people on the floor buzz about the unwanted change maybe real soon.

In Team May, I think everyone is secretly emotional about the disbanding of the team this September. 

Everyone is taking time to join team breakfasts and other bonding time.

Well, we’ll see.

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