I need to stop. I need to stop worrying too much. I need to stop focusing on problems. I need to stop because I am affecting people around. It becomes now everybody’s problem. And I don’t want that. I told myself many times that it feels like I am running in circles and not going anywhere. That is true. And that is because unconsciously somehow I had chosen to run in circles. Now I realized that these circles are actually my comfort zones! I realized that nothing is happening in my life because I keep myself in my comfort zone! Did they say ‘No guts, no glory’? This is so true. And I am still young. Yes I make mistakes but my mistakes should not be mistakes forever. They should become my learning points. They should never happen again.
To tell you the truth, after I felt my logic was back, when the pain had subsided, I saw the damage and I felt like I feared the possible consequence. I am so much thankful that there are people who are very supportive all the way. And I don’t want all the support to get wasted.
I should start caring for people who care for me, who love me and I should start that in fixing myself. My reasons are valid. There are so many storms in my life and I was not prepared. And watching the storms as I cloaked myself in Ginger Allergy (My name for Depression) would not solve the problems. But if I step out there in the open and by faith, exercise the favor of God, I know I would not run in circles anymore.
And thank You God for the wisdom. And bless all the people who never give up on me. Tonight, whatever happens, help me LORD to take it with the right confidence and attitude. If a door closes, You Yourself God would definitely open a better window for me. And here where my faith stands. In Your blood, Lord Jesus. Thank You.
P.S. Just went to my checkup. After series of questions and after she pressed my eyes which hurt, the doctor referred me to an Ophthalmologist which I c an take but she also referred me to a Neurologist which kind of alarming. Bahala Ka na, Abba.